Never eat these foods!

Never eat these foods!

1.     Frosting  Pure sugar. Sugar is bad for you. I don’t have to remind you.

2.     Bagels   What are you lookin’ at buddy? Bagels are good for your soul. A warm asiago bagel, real butter, sea salt, lox, capers, and a lil cream cheese is good for your soul. Pour a second cup of French roast and go back to your New York Times.

3.     Processed Bake Goods  My Uncle was a Baker. My Brother a Chef and now a bread designer. Do some sit ups.

4.     Soda     Soda?… Soda anything is a no! Full stop.

5.     Sugary Cereal.     See number 4. Replace Soda with Sugary Cereal. Thank you.

6.     Stick Margarine     There is butter folks. It’s cream. That’s all, cream. No excuses. Read the label of a stick of margarine and then ask a chemistry major what all that crap is. You won’t like the answer. By the way, Unsalted butter doesn’t burn when you melt it in a pan.

7.     Jarred Tomato Sauce     Make your own. Figure it out.

Uncooked pork belly, with rind (skin)

Uncooked pork belly

8.     Bacon     Bacon? well, I disagree. Just be smart about. Buy pork belly, smoke it low and slow over indirect mesquite fire, and slice your own. Don’t tell anyone what you are doing. I keep mine in a little tin under my pillow. Oops! I said too much. If you get caught. calmly say…”God watches over the weak.” and change the subject. Find a new place to hide the tin.

9.     Maraschino Cherries     Nothing good comes from Maraschino Cherries.

10.    Soy Sauce     Nani?

Here, have a nice plate of dirt and some twigs… that should hold you over.

Catch us on twitter at  @dpatlarge     It’s a new caper everyday!

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